A Poem

I cannot justify the feelings I have for you

Since we've only met once

But upon that first meeting had me hooked

 

The way you looked at me

Can I even describe it?

Your eyes told me I was the galaxies

And you wanted to know every rusty corner of my soul

With just one glance

I felt the most wanted I’ve ever felt

 

 

 

 

You saw right through me

 

Down to the bone

 

And what a dangerous thing that is

 

Because now I want you more than ever

 

 

 

Adventures or lack thereof

Sometimes, you just get in a funk and get stuck. Stuck in this weird mood and can't get out. That's how I've been feeling lately, but luckily a series of events happened to kick me out of this funk and got me thinking differently.

I tend to isolate myself and being the introvert I am, doesn't help one bit. I love my solitude and quiet times and need it to recharge and feel like myself. But sometimes it inhibits me from putting myself out there and meeting new people. It sucks when I do actually want to socialize because no one is there, and it leaves me feeling lonely.
So, with that said, I've been taking baby steps in getting out into the world and connect.
 I signed up for a Young Life college bible study and was hesitant to go at first. Of course my natural instinct and thoughts were, it won't work out, it will be weird and, no one will like you. But, luckily I try things at least once, so Tuesday night I headed out with a quick prayer that it would work out and made my way there. Man, it was such a beautiful drive I can't even begin to describe... the night was clear and crisp and the stars and moon were shining so bright in between the trees... ugh. Anyways, I get there and was warmly greeted. Other girls got there later and they were friendly and I felt welcomed. So it was a good start. The rest of the bible study was really good, and I connected with the message in many ways. Especially how I know God has so much more for me, as in I know he sees me so differently than myself and wants me to stop this isolation. For my benefit and His. At the end of the night I was so glad that I went out of my comfort zone because I ended up loving it, even excited for the possibilities this bible study would bring. I decided I would go back.

This little triumph I had helped me to get out of the funk I desperately needed to get rid of. It showed me that it can work out if you put yourself out there. I tend to have a really negative thought process and I'm trying to change that as well, because it continually holds me back and defeats me. I want to have positive thoughts, I want to be happy and I don't want to stress and have anxiety about every. little. thing.

I also just want to add I went to the James Blake concert spontaneously and it was AMAZING. My gosh is that man talented! He has the voice of an angel haha. AND Caryn (my best friend) and I went on an adventure with our cameras and got some beautiful scenery pictures. This week has been full of adventure that was much needed. I need to let myself play more!

Thoughts in October

I guess I should start off by saying sorry for not blogging in so long. I have the typical excuse of being busy, but honestly I've just had a lack of inspiration to write.

I am currently living at my house in Bellingham with my roomies and what a ride it has been so far. So many gosh darn things have gone wrong! But everything that has gone right has made up for all the bad. Actually there have been bad things that normally would bring me down and have me a little depressed but I don't feel like that. I feel weird... it's hard to explain. I mean it's definitely a good thing it's just, weird. Some of the bad things I'm talking about are finding rats in your house, stress/anxiety from school, not doing well on a test and drama between friends. Some good things that have happened are successful house parties, roomie bonding and a new crush. Oh ya let me emphasize that, NEW CRUSH.

 I definitely wasn't expecting to start having an interest in someone so soon. Actually, when I first saw this guy I didn't have some instant crush. He showed interest with his eyes I suppose, and it wasn't till after that night I started to think about him. He is very attractive and is older than me! *Gasp* If you don't know me, I usually go for younger guys, har har. But we haven't hung out since the first night we met so I have no clue if we will actually have a connection. From a series of unfortunate events, he might not have any interest in me at all *sigh*. My best friend and I got into some drama with another friend and he holds the key to hanging out with my crush. It's very disappointing.  I'm hoping for the best, and trying to keep my mind preoccupied in the meantime.
I will probably write about this crush later, if I'm feeling inspired, and if I feel like I can put that information on the internet for all to see.

I will try to blog more and keep everyone updated. It feels good to write and get stuff out sometimes.

Following Your Dreams

I wanted to write about something that has been recently instilled in me and has quite honestly been an amazing experience. This something is inspiration or following your dreams.

I didn't wake up one morning filled with inspiration nor did it hit me one day. I actually can't even pin point what month or what day this all started happening. But what I can say is that it was just there, and once it was there I began to do things to achieve my goals and dreams I have been daydreaming for years. Maybe I just got fed up with the cycle of life, going through the motions and what not. Or maybe I don't want to grow old and regret all the things I didn't do. I just didn't want to sit around anymore and daydream, I wanted to make my daydream a reality. And why not? I have this one life to live and gosh dang it I'm gonna live it!

I just want to encourage everyone to follow their dreams. Why are we waiting around, miserable, doing things we hate and constantly dreaming of a different life? You are living your life right now! what's stopping you from doing that one thing you've always wanted to do? All you have to do is go out and DO IT. That's it... it's really that simple. You need to get inspired and take a step towards whatever you want to achieve. And it can be anything. I understand there are things that hold us back such as money or a family, but that's not what I'm talking about here. It's actually just taking that first step towards doing something that stirs passion in your heart. Something that motivates you, that you daydream about all the time. Wanna know what that was for me? YouTube. I've always wanted to make beauty videos but I've struggled with insecurities, doubt, discouragement, social anxiety and just putting myself out there in general. But I am finally following my dream and making videos and putting them up on my YouTube channel! You might not think that's a big deal, but for me it is. I've daydreamed about this for a long time now and since this whole inspiration thing hit me, I've been taking small steps to achieve my goal. I'm even saving up for a nice quality camera! Yes it will take sacrifice. Yes it will take time. DO NOT get discouraged. Keep going. And surround yourself with positive, uplifting people who will encourage you to follow your dreams. And surround yourself with inspiration! Don't forget to pray to the big man upstairs too ^_^

Life is truly what you make it. You get this one life, what are you going to do with it?

Arizona Vacation

So I went to Arizona for a little vacation at Caryn's Uncle's house in Chandler and man was it nice. It was a steady 107 degrees the whole time and while it was very hot at first, we got used to the heat in no time. We lounged around in the sun soaking up the hot rays and swam in their beautiful pool to cool down. We went to  'the club the club the club' a.k.a the swanky country club where we got to swim and lounge with the richies. The next day we went to Sedona to see the beautiful canyons and play in a river and yes, Arizona actually has water! Who would have thought. And then Thursday night was the real party. We ate at an expensive steakhouse dining on ribs and wine. After that we hit up some bars and went to a wine bar where I had the sweetest wine I've ever tasted. Like it was actually sweeter than Moscato. Delicious. Then the real fun happened back at their place where we took shots and night swam. Best feeling ever! Try it, seriously. We ended our trip by sight seeing and just laying by the pool. It was a wonderful trip and I loved meeting Caryn's family, they are truly amazing people and I hope I can go back someday! Below are some photos to sum up and share my fun vacation ^_^ Enjoy!

DONE WITH FINALS!!!

Woohooo! Guys I'm finally done with finals!!! yippee! I just wanna dance around and relax at the same time haha. My summer has officially started :D And I couldn't be more excited because not only do I have some fun trips planned, I have a couple creative projects I will be working on (including this blog). These projects will definitely test my shyness and fear of putting myself out there. But I feel like this is something I've needed to do for a while now and I finally feel ready. I hope I can follow through with them ;)

Here are some silly pictures :P

25 Facts About Me

1. I'm surprisingly a good singer but I never sing in front of anyone because I'm embarrassed
             
            2. I've been to Canada, Mexico and Europe and I plan to travel to Australia next ^_^

                      3. I secretly want to be a YouTube beauty guru haha

4. I started living with my grandparents in the 8th grade

                       5. I am OBSESSED with perfume and anything that smells good

          6. I'm shy around new people but once I warm up to you I'm a hyper, rude weirdo

7. I'm majoring in Psychology and I have a minor obsession with pharmaceutical drugs, meaning I want to do research in that area

              8. I'm practically a midget.... I'm 5'0 -__-

                        9. I can eat the fastest and the most out of everyone I know
       
             10. I'm an introvert

                                     11. I am also OBSESSED with sloths. If I could go to a sloth haven right now I  would in a heart beat

12. I have potty humor. I think pooping and farting is funny.... lol

      13. When I'm at home I turn on the t.v. to the Disney channel when I sleep because I'm scared of the dark

                  14. I love scary movies

     15. I used to be a dancer. I did ballet and mostly hip hop

16. I tried wrestling my senior year of high school and ended up fracturing my collar bone

                         17. My room is usually always a mess

                                     18. I have a temper A.K.A anger problems

      19. I love to read

                  20. I have a love/hate relationship with vyvanse

21. Sometimes I get urges to do crazy things, like sell drugs or get a piercing

                                       22. I'm a Christian

                                                   23. I love coffee, you could call me an addict

         24. I'm moving into a house with my best friend and two other girls next year and I'm STOKED (picture below, looks ghetto but it's really nice inside tehe)

25. I've never had a dog and I want one SO bad

So ya, I didn't really know what to write about today and I saw another blogger do this and I was like, why not? You got to know me a little and now I will stop procrastinating homework. Byyeeeeeeeeee